The funniest story of the week...

Why hello there.

You thought I fell off the face of the earth, huh?

Nope.  Just living out my crazy life.  And being frustrated.  And angry.

But, today, I don't want to dwell on those things.

Today, like 10 minutes ago, I submitted my application to an ultrasound technician program.  FREEDOM!

It's quite the feeling.

And, for the body of today's post, I want to share with you a situation that happened during our 6 and under practice this morning:

One of the mentors, Cody, was helping me in lane 5.  Jason and Madelyn (both age 6) are swimming in his lane.  I was having them practice starting off of the blocks and swimming the entire length of the pool.  Since this is Madelyn's first year of swimming, she's not quite 100 percent confident about diving.  The girl has no fear, however, about belly flopping every time she jumps in.  A lot of our 6 and unders dive this way.  Let's just say I get quite wet during this practice.

Anyway, I was telling Madelyn that her hands, not her feet, needed to go into the water first.  When I was done telling her this, Jason decided to help her get into the correct position and pushed her bottom into the air.  HA!  Jason has 5 brothers - so he's not really around girls that much.  Later, after Madelyn and Jason swam their lap and walked around the pool, I told Jason that he was not allowed to touch another girl's bottom ever.  His response?  He just grinned.  These kids.  They're so funny!

So after yet another lap of freestyle, I ask Jason if he thinks Madelyn is pretty.  His response was something along the lines of this: "She would be pretty if she wore a tuxedo!"

Oh man.  I was cracking up.  Cody was as well.  Later, after re-telling his mom about our conversation, she laughed with us.  What a funny little kid!

I hope you all enjoy that story as much I had experiencing it.  It makes these last few practices a little more bearable...

Respect

My heart is pounding in my chest.  If only I could really say what I want to say to you.

I'm hurt. Disappointed.

But most of all, I'm disrespected.

And if that has ever happened to you, time and time again, I'm pretty sure that you start thinking you're not worth anything either.  Your opinion doesn't matter.  Your experience doesn't mean anything.

Nada. Zippo.  Zilch.

Let's just say I'm *this close* to starting a countdown to the end of June.

I'm tired of being told what I think, say and desire doesn't matter.  Because you're wrong.  You can't see it now. But you will.

And by then, I'll be long gone.

Anxiousness

I'm sitting here, doing my anatomy work...watching the clock go by.  

And the closer the time gets to 2:45, which is when I get ready for swim practice...the more anxious I get.  

I should be thinking about napping after only getting 5ish hours of sleep last night.  

But, alas, I'm nervous about practice.  

Well, not practice.  I can coach.  I like that part.

I'm nervous about what could potentially go wrong and be "my fault".  

Or making a decision that someone doesn't necessarily agree with.  

I'm weary of being picked on.  I wish coaching was all I had to handle.  

Maybe then I wouldn't be so nervous.  

Being a leader is hard.  

Especially as a single woman.  The whole situation would be different if I was married and not living at my parent's house.  Maybe if I had a baby...I wouldn't get asked, "Have you ever coached a team before?" It's insulting.  Yes, I'm young.  No, I don't have my own family yet.  But yes, I am qualified to do this job well (14 years of experience on a pool deck isn't enough, eh?!).  

I guess I'm frustrated with the double standard.  

I am an adult.  

I am fully capable of making decisions.  

And teaching kids how to swim well.  

Stop asking if I'm competent.  I wouldn't be there if I wasn't.  

(I just want to say that I'm not saying these things out of arrogance.  I am really struggling with my identity.  And I know that I can do these things.  I just haven't been given the time to prove who I am to the right people.)