Responsibility

Yesterday, I was challenged to take a look at my life and evaluate the relationships in my life.  In all honesty, this challenge to re-evaluate couldn't possibly have happened at a worse time in my life. 

However, it's not really MY timing that matters.  It's not about me and my own selfish, petty desires at all...it's about learning how to serve God with my life through my thoughts, actions, and attitudes.  So it's all about God.  It's always been about God...and it always will be.  My life's purpose is to glorify Him.  This is where relationships and community make it or break it.

I want to share some verses that I've meditated on about community:

"And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of the ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.  Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." Ephesians 4: 11-16

In these verses, it says that we are supposed to build up the body until each part works properly.  I'm not working properly, and I recognize the importance of being teachable.  As part of this life-long challenge, I am going to be stretched in learning how to be taught. 

I am asking for help in refinement.  I can't do this alone - I will need guidance and I need to know that when I'm wrong in my words, actions, and attitudes...I can depend on the body, my community, and my closest relationships to correct it. 

This is just the beginning of the process. 

homey-ized office

here's my office.  now, mind you, i didn't actually take pictures of the bookshelves or all of the file cabinets.  they are just too boring. enjoy!

top: view from my computer
middle: view of my wall next to the computer
bottom: view of the door/hallway from the desk

Overlooked?

working in an office 8 hours a day is definitely something i never really considered.  i was going to be a veterinarian.  i was going to be talking to people all day about their pets.  then i was going to be a pharmacist.  again, i would be potentially talking to people all day about their medicine.  then i was going to be a doctor.  i would be talking to patients about themselves. 

basically, none of the above options involve sitting a room by myself with only a computer to connect to the outside world.  now, mind you...i've come to like my little office.  i've got it decorated (pictures to come in a later post), i have it "homey-ized".  i know it's not a word - just go with it.  but here's the thing.  i like community.  i like talking to people.  i like interacting with them.  the only interaction i get at work is if 1 of 2 ladies comes in...my boss, or the department coordinator person (at least i think that's what she is). 

monday was my boss' birthday - so we had a luncheon at another lady's house.  i still really don't know anyone in the office.  i have a few acquaintances, but i don't really see them on a daily basis.  so we're enjoying some appetizers...and i'm standing awkwardly amongst some acquaintances.  now, mind you - most of these ladies are from the office, so we work "together" and might see each other every day.  the conversation turns to a cookie exchange party one of the ladies whose office is down the hall from mine is having in a few weeks.  this might sound petty to some.  who would want to go hang out with a bunch of ladies and talk about work on the weekend?  hmmm.  do i have to think about this?!  ME!!! 

sadly, i have not received an invitation to said cookie exchange.  i do not plan on receiving one either.  the hostess of that party did the awkward "i'm not going to look at you because i didn't invite you" look as she answered.  well, i definitely feel like i'm a part of the in-crowd at the office!  actually, i still feel like people look at me like i'm a student worker.  okay, granted i'm still that "age"...but if i was married, would that make me more mature?  would that make it more acceptable to invite me because i would have a spouse to bring?! 

this lady is supposed to unite our department - and my boss is invited (who is still single, mind you)...so i'm pretty sure i was just told (in a round-a-bout way) that i'm not important and i don't belong here.  i'm like the students who work less than 20 hours a week.  FALSE. 

i have been overlooked.

Just Another Year

birthdays.  they happen every day of the year for someone somewhere.  mine?  it happens today - november 24th.  it has for 23 years now...and it will continue until Jesus decides to take me home to Him.  in the spirit of today being the beginning of my 23rd year of life, i wanted to recap the last year.

a year ago:

• i was still in college.
• i wouldn't believe that i would be working full-time in college station a year later
• i had only spent about 5 weeks in east asia (now it's more like 11 weeks)
• i didn't really understand what "being on your own" meant
• i truly didn't comprehend how much community means to me

in the last year:

• i had my last significant Christmas break
• i graduated from college (yikes!)
• i went to east asia with my best friend Leslie for the 3rd time
• i moved out of my parent's house
• i became an adult and got a full-time job (thanks to JC for planning it soooo well!)
• i've decided that having no plan for the future (or leaving it up to Jesus) is the best way to live

23 is good.  it's not scary - i think i will grow into it nicely.  after thinking back on this last year and seeing the extravagant amounts of growth that have taken place personally for me...i wouldn't take it back or do it over.  i'm excited to see how God moves in my life in the next 365 days until i turn 24.  let today be about Him and the growth that He has allowed in me.  i definitely would not have made it to be who i am at 23 if i had not met Him at 8.  sweet :)

i know that i'm definitely thankful this week. 

high school

so yesterday in the church service, i ended up sitting behind some high school kiddos.  now maybe because i am turning 23 tomorrow...these kids looked SO young.  like was i ever that small?  hmmm. 

well, sitting behind these little munchkins and observing their behavior reminded me of myself at their age.  you remember, don't you?  trying to always look your best for that one boy who never seemed to realize that you are alive?  or maybe giggling with your girlfriends because you finally got to sit next the guy you are crushing on?  or trying to find your identity in what others thought of you (in my case, it was definitely the boys)? 

yes, so it would appear that i was one boy-crazy teen.  thank goodness for maturity...for the sake of growing older...for being able to find my identity in something way more perfect than any hormone-crazed teenage boy, who, by the way, still doesn't know i exist...

hmmm.  so in this week of being thankful...i think i am thankful for turning another year older tomorrow.  for being wiser and knowing my Creator that much more!  23 sounds so scary - the middle '20s.  ew.  i've been complaining  A LOT about it.  too much.  i've heard that 30 is better than anything that far...so bring it on! 

now, the post tomorrow might be completely turned around from what i'm saying here.  there might just have to be some things about being 23 that need to be expanded on...but for now, i'm pretty glad to be out of high school and see the transformation that God has definitely brought around in my life. 

here's to be being all grown up!

redemption

i think that the events of the last few weeks have given God the opportunity to really show me how sin has absolutely broken this world apart...and exactly how PAINFUL that reality is. 

however.

there is redemption.  grace. peace. love: not the imperfect-based-on-standards love; the absolutely-love-you-no-matter-what love.

i praise Jesus i'm not doing this alone.

How to be like MJ

1. Moon walk.
2. Wear sparkly clothes.
3. Grab your crotch (a lot).
4. Pop & Lock It everywhere you go.
5. Randomly yell "owww" in a high-pitched voice.

This list was inspired by 'This Is It'.  He's pretty cool.  I'm just saying I wish I could get away with all those things all the time and still be considered a legend or king of something.