messes

when i was in high school, i definitely had things appear to be in order.  it seemed effortless: my class schedule was done for me, i had swim practice right after school each day, wednesday night activities accounted for...it was easy.  but then came college, which was a whole new experience.  you have to be responsible to finish the reading that is considered the "homework", allot a certain amount of time to different extra-curricular activities, even plan out your class schedule every semester.  i made it work...and it didn't seem too hard at the time.

but then, whoa.  i graduated.

[pause for dramatic effect]

currently, i feel like all the organization and time management that i tried so hard to maintain in high school and college has been taken out of the picture.  my life feels like a mess - a giant spaghetti-filled-platter dropped on the floor mess.  ya know the kind where you can't believe that it just happened and then you still find sauce on the cabinets like a month later?  that kind.  my thoughts can't put time into the same context as it once did.  maybe that's what it's like to get older...you just can't think clearly.  [oh crap.  i'm only 22.] 
 
nonetheless, a new thought now:  in ephesians (5:15-17), paul talks about living wisely because the days are evil.  maybe this "phase" (that's what i'm going to call it for right now) is a way for God to really show me how i don't know if i'm going to make it to tomorrow.  quick sidenote: i saw 'this is it' for the second time this afternoon.  once you see a movie for the 2nd or 3rd time, you start to notice really small things.  in the documentary, michael jackson (later referenced as mj) tells his fans that he would see them in july.  he never made it that far.  i'm not trying to be morbid.  i think it's a really valuable lesson to think about.  if my last day was today, did i make the most of it?  every day that i'm miserable at my job, do i make the most of it?  do i live everyday wisely?  do i really understand what the Lord's will is?

i pray that i am DAILY thinking about how to make the most of the moments i have...