The Apothecary's Daughter

I'm reading this book.

It's a good book.  I'm enjoying it.  But I also feel like the main character and I are a lot alike.

Granted, I'm not the daughter of an apothecary.  And I don't have "suitors" or "gentlemen" pursuing me.

But I think I definitely identify with her frantic thoughts of "running out of time."

Keep in mind I haven't really had feelings like this.  I even had a friend recently tell me that I had this part of my life down.  It was easy for me to separate my desires of having a family because of my busy schedule.  My ambitions.  My independence.

And then it seemed that a lot of my good friends are married, getting married, or having babies.

This post might be a little cryptic.  But that's just kind of how it's coming out.

The point is this: I'm potentially pursuing a career that will take the next 9-10 years to train for.  In that same amount of time, I'll be considered "advanced maternal age" and the risk for abnormalities in babies begins to have a crazy effect on the statistics.  Today, after only seeing pregnant ladies in the clinic, one stood out.  She's my age.  And this is her 5th pregnancy.

Let me just say this:  I don't really want to be pregnant that many times or have the number of children that she has at this age.

But I do feel like a timer started.  And I'm feeling a tad desperate today.

I know that Jesus is bigger than all of these things.  He has put me in this place for a purpose.

There should be no "but" after that statement.

BUT, this afternoon, I do feel overwhelmed.  And this just seemed the easiest thing to express at the moment.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, friends.  I could definitely use some heavenly encouragement.