not exactly a day to repeat...

Something monumental happened this morning while I was in clinic.  I knew that this day would come; I just didn't think it was going to be today.  But isn't that how things go sometimes?

These past 2 weeks, I've been on rotation at a high-risk Ob clinic.  A lot of the patients are diagnosed with diabetes, which is automatically considered high risk for pregnancy.  The risk factors for the babies are not as severe as say malformations, but they like to monitor the baby's weight to make sure the baby doesn't get too big.  So up until this week, I hadn't really experienced any anomalies.  

Because of health care laws, I'm not supposed to really give details on any of our patients in order to protect them.  

With that being said, our first patient for today was in the clinic because she has been diagnosed with a malignant carcinoma.  She was dated to be about half-way through her pregnancy.  But there was no heart beat.

And so I sat there in disbelief, watching the sonographer take measurements to figure out when the demise happened.  

I think I had been in denial that fetal demise occurs.  

So the doctor comes in to tell the patient.  

And I've never experienced anything like that.  

A mother finding out that her baby is no longer alive.  It's heart-wrenching.  Added to the fact that she has malignant cancer. Overwhelming.

Those are about all the thoughts I have about today.  

I think I'll definitely be good if I don't have to see that again for a very long time.