The Eve of MCAT #3

This afternoon, I'm a little overwhelmed.

You see, I took the MCAT #1 in April 2008.
I took MCAT #2 in April 2011.
I'm taking MCAT #3 tomorrow.

After leaving clinic, I sent out a desperate text to some friends.  "I could maybe use some words of encouragement right about now if you have any..." I said.

This summer has been crazy.

I've been in clinic 4 days a week, 32 hours each week, plus about 2 hours commute time each day.
I had a 15-page (16.5 pages!) pathology research paper to research and write.
I had a 15-minute presentation to prepare about above research paper.
I have been working on my Med School essays off and on.
I tried to have at least one "fun activity" a week...for sanity's sake.
And finally, trying to study for MCAT #3.

So one could say I've had my hands full.  I've barely had time to get sleep.  Well, okay, I've slept.  But I've also been dozing while observing in the clinic...they have dark rooms for ultrasounds, okay?

Well, I wanted to share some of the responses I got this afternoon.  Some of them definitely brought tears to my eyes.  Maybe they will encourage someone else too :)

"The Lord always has a better plan in mind than our own, even if we don't see the beauty of it until much later...."

"Sometimes feeling out of control is good, as giving up control to Him in the first place is what's so hard."

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

"Psalm 16:11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

"Habakkuk 3:19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feel like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

"Be confident in His calling..."

"Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

I have some awesome friends.  Don't you think so?  I know God has blessed my life beyond belief.

Recently, I've been studying through Philippians with my accountability partner, J.  She and I are studying one chapter a week, making it a point to read the whole chapter every day and journal about God is teaching us through that chapter.  To meditate on His Word.  And to understand it.  Both of us have really enjoyed this study plan.  It's made it a lot easier to apply these lessons because of the repetition.  Didn't get it the first time? Don't worry!  The second time you'll get it.

Anyway, we started on chapter 3 this week.  Paul is writing to the Philippians from prison.  So far, there have been several verses that stuck out to me.

3 "...put no confidence in the flesh..."
7-9 "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith..."

So if Paul can say that all things are rubbish from prison, then this MCAT test is rubbish compared to knowing Christ.  And I'm claiming that fact.  I am more willing to follow where God has been leading if that is where He wants me.  I'm not interested in doing things for the sake of getting recognition.  I'm seeking after God's will here.

So let it be.

What a Gloomy Day!

It's about 61* outside and raining.  Gross!

I can't say that I enjoy this weather.  Because, honestly, I hate it.  When the sun doesn't have to get up and work, why do I?  Allright, fine.  I'll stop complaining.  I actually got up super early today to go walking with friends.  And it was good, productive.  Getting up at 6 on vacation?  I might just say we were crazy.  But seeing as it's the only time we could coordinate the three of us today, it worked.

But the frustration that occurred to coordinate such a time - just makes me want to call it quits.  With what, you might ask?  This friendship.

See, when I moved back to H-town in April, I was hurt.  Damaged.  Not myself.  Recently, I've discovered that I really didn't act like myself until just a very few weeks ago.  So for an entire year (almost), I was kind-of in a trance.  I acted differently, said things that normally wouldn't come out of my mouth.  On the outside, I was putting on a show.  But in private, let's just say I was pretty much falling apart.  Literally.  

God provided a friend who understood the hurt and disappointments I was trying to weave myself out of.  And He knew I desperately needed it.  But as I've found healing the last few months, I've discovered how frustrating this friend can be.  If friendships are about give and take, how much am I expected to give before I have nothing else?

Soon after I started to develop a relationship with my friend, she got engaged...and I was so excited for her!  I didn't realize then how hard it is for me to see friends get married.  It's not hard because I also want to be married one day.  That might have been the issue a few years ago.  But I've come to a place of accepting my singleness as a gift.  There's no pressure to "have it all together".  I'm not trying to say that married people have it all together.  But there could be a different expectation of a wife than of a single woman.  So I'll just simply say that I'm grateful for this time in my life to try to figure out how God is supposed to lead me and how to submit to Him well.  That's without the added submission to a husband.  Oh, it seems like I'm digging a hole here.  Sigh.

Moving on...

Engagements.  I've had many friends marry.  And several of them have invited me to stand next to them at the altar to hold them accountable - a true blessing!  But something is different about the way my new friend is acting in her engagement.  It's hard for me to figure out if she is just "like that" or if it's a phase she's passing through.  It's becoming exasperating trying to explain to her that no, he can't come when the three of us girls want to hang out.  It's meant to be girl time.  And no boys allowed!  But to no avail can I get her to understand.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that - is this normal?!  I'm not sure who reads my blog anymore...so I guess I'm asking an audience who might or might not answer my question.  But, to my married friends, was it especially hard for you to separate yourself from your groom right before you were married?  Or were you able to discern that it was your last little bit of time to be single?  Do you regret anything from your life as an engaged single person?  Anything you would do differently?  Am I being completely unreasonable?

These are things that I've been trying to think through. Thanks for reading and bearing with me.

The College Years

Recently, my younger sister L moved back to CS to resume her position as a college student.

Shortly after she moved back, I realized that this is the first time in FIVE years that I have not had the college student lifestyle.  And it's quite strange.

There are things that I don't miss.  Like having to think about what to make for dinner each week (even though I am asked for input at my parent's house) and having to grocery shop.  I'm super glad it's a joint effort around here.  And having to clean and change my sheets regularly.  I'm quite thankful that my parents invest in a woman who is quite skilled at leaving our home clean and fresh every other week!  I still do my own laundry and ironing, so not much has changed there.

BUT.  There are things that I miss.

Like these faces:

And living with these ladies:

And random moments like this:

And doing silly things like this in foreign places:

And having community with people like this:

And hanging out with her:

And being a part of moments with groups like this:

And crazy nights like these:

Going on roadtrips just to be girls:

Spending Friday nights just cruising around CS for no good reason:

And Having conversations with her:

I've just been thinking lately.  And reminiscing.  And enjoying the time that I've been given with all of these wonderful experiences and people.  Love you!