my restless soul...

...craves adventure.

My best friend Leslie arrived back home today after being in a very foreign country for over a year.  In her return, I am so thankful to be able to give her big hugs and not have to look at a computer screen to see her smile.  I can finally pick up a phone and call her.  And not worry about time differences.  This next month is going to be exciting!

However, in her return, I am reminded of my past returns from foreign countries, and I am consumed by sadness.  Granted, there were trips when I was ready to be home.  I needed the comfort and security that home encompasses.  But in just a few days, I was ready to be on another adventure.  I wanted to continue traveling and see all that the world has.  I don't think I was made to sit still.  In just the last few months, I have discovered that I thrive on being busy...to a fault sometimes.  I know it's not always good to be perpetually busy.  I'm not afraid of sitting still, if that's what you are thinking.  I just like to manage my time well.

So I think my heart is craving an adventure.  And this isn't the first time I've experienced "cabin fever".  I just think it's God cultivating a future plan for my life.  This afternoon when I casually prayed a little prayer that went like, "Father, adventure?" He said, "Wait."

So wait.  It's not a concept that one really desires to hear when "I want to go now!"  But after asking again patiently, the same answer came: "Wait."

I will trust in His timing.  For lots of things - like med school, marriage, and now adventure.  I will have peace because I know His plans are better than mine.  I could not have imagined the growth He has allowed in my life since Leslie left last July.  I was a wreck, for multiple reasons.  That's about the best I can describe it.

And He has brought restoration and healing!  He is to be praised because He saved me from some of my darkest days and He alone is Lord over all.  I am so grateful He brought Leslie back safely.  And I trust that her return to a very foreign country will also be in His hands in just a month's time.  In the meantime, my heart will rest in Him who is Father and deliverer of peace.

Do Not Worry...

we've all heard this verse:

"therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  sufficient for the day is its own trouble." matthew 6:34

so that's basically what my mom told me when i shared my anxieties from yesterday.

i liked her wording as well - "it sounds like you are borrowing tomorrow's troubles...those things are not on the agenda for today.  focus on the task at hand."

WOW.

it was a moment i needed.  it came late in the day - after struggling with desperate thoughts all afternoon.  worrying about the future - which is not mine to worry about.

she brought be back down to where i needed to be. (unfortunately, at that moment, it was organic chemistry.)

so this is an apology for the women who i might have scared yesterday with my "timer" talk.  i do not believe that as women, we are limited to a certain time of having babies.  if it's the Lord's will, He is the only one who can create that little life inside of you.  it is wholly up to Him.  not me.  not this stupid timer that i created.  there is no such timer when you serve a God as big as the one i do.

i'm sorry.  please do research more about high risk pregnancies, because the information is valuable!  if you have questions, i can answer them!  or try to, that is.

please accept this apology.

and please try to remember me in your thoughts/prayers!  the mcat day is soon approaching.

let His Will be done.

Purpose

Recently, in the last few days, I've been contemplating a lot about life's purpose.  What to do with one's life.  How to make it meaningful.  What about the impact to other people?

Ever since Friday and finishing my job at TTI, I have my mornings free.  And as a person who was really bad at being jobless last September, I can see why.  When I was in school, the purpose was to study and pass my classes.  That meant I could sleep in and do whatever I deemed important in my free time.  When I sleep in now (let's say 9), I feel guilty.  There's no purpose to what I'm doing.  I've resigned myself to sit around and wait for the time to get ready for practice.  Sure, there are some little things to do, like going to the store and doing laundry.

And tomorrow morning I get to spend some time at the beach with my dad.  Woohoo!  And then Thursday is my best friend's birthday.  So I'll be busy going to see her as she experiences her first taste of 22.  Happy Early Birthday, Leslie! 

Waiting.  That's what I'm doing.  I'm waiting for the Lord to reveal the next thing.  I'm trying to be patient and seek what He has planned.  He didn't have it in His plans for me to go to China.  He did have it in His plans for me to be a swim coach and grow in my leadership skills.  Living back in parent's house wasn't in my plans...and yet, here I am.  And it's been good.  At this point in my life, I feel like I'm more able to spend time with my parents as friends and not necessarily living out the normal parental roles.  It's been surprisingly fun.  And even when we're all tired after working and doing stuff all day, we can stand around and clean the kitchen together after dinner.  It's good.

Waiting.  It's hard...and already, I feel a little restless.  Maybe I should get up and go run those errands now.  Ready, Set, GO!