Lost. (part 5 of the chronicles)

*this is a continuation of my true-life Dear John story.  if you missed the first 4 parts, visit the tab above labeled, "The Germany Chronicles"*

If there was a ever a time when I wanted a train to stop and turn around, it was at this moment.  Where is the emergency brake?!  This can't be possible...I can't handle leaving him like this!  

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Our journey was far from being over.  

After the train left the station, the dread I felt about leaving Matthias was gone.  I had a peace about how the relationship had happened and where we had left things.  Granted, Matthias was in a totally different stage in life than I was.  But at 16, having this guy express interest in me was well, perfect.

Our groups proceed to find our sleeper rooms - each with 6 beds in them!  That night was going to be an adventure, in more ways than one.  In my room, it was quite difficult to squeeze 6 large suitcases and 6 women with backpacks.  It worked...and we proceed to get ready to sleep for our journey to Munich.  For me, this meant I took off my tennis shoes, changed into my red valentine boxers, and got a picture of the only time I would be in my triple-top bunk bed.  To this day, I still have no idea where that picture went.

A view of the sleeper rooms - this was not my room.  It's just to give you an idea about the size.

After taking this picture, a few of the older ladies wanted to discuss my "circumstances" in the dining car.  Another girl on the trip, G, had similar circumstances...so she joined us as well.  We all order hot chocolate from the wait-person and dive right in.  These older ladies wanted to know what had happened over the last 8 days with these German boys!  As we indulged them with details about what happened, how we felt, and what we intended to do after we got back to America, the train slowly made progress.  We would travel for a while, and then we would stop to allow passengers on and off.

At one of these stops, we noticed how long we had been waiting to start up again.  All the while, we keep talking.  After leaving our abnormally long stop, we decide that since it is maybe after 1 in the morning, we should find our beds and try to get some sleep before we arrive at our destination.  We leave the dining car, which contained 2 other guys from our team, and head back to find our car and eventually, our bed.  We go through train car after train car with no success.  We go back to the dining car and mention it to the other 2 guys...and they go looking.  When they arrive back, we know something is terribly wrong.

We try to communicate with the wait-person in the dining car, but it turns out he does not speak English, and none of us speak German well enough to converse.  Interesting.  What do we do now?  

Eventually, after wondering around trying to find a person who might speak English, we find a train engineer who speaks perfect English!  It was a huge relief.  Once we find out that we have indeed switched trains and are now on our way to the West side of Germany as opposed to the Southern side, unbelief set in.  I had on a tshirt, boxers, and socks.  Luckily, I still had my passport on me, but not everyone in the 6 of us did.  Huh.  This is crazy.  

I'm pretty sure I never panicked.  I thought the situation was kinda fun.  Our little group of 6 went on the "scenic tour" to get to our final destination...which means more adventure!

This English-speaking engineer helped us figure out where to go and even helped us figure out a way to meet our group in Munich, after a stop in Cologne.  Want to know a perk?  We got to ride the fastest train in Europe for FREE!  How many people have done that?  I'm one of them.

We found out later that one of the other adult leaders had woken up about the same time that we realized we were on the wrong train.  God had this situation in His hands the whole time.  I was never worried.

We finally arrived to Munich, about an hour after the rest of our group.  They had a stressful event getting all of our belongings off the train as it was stopped, but they managed it marvelously!  After we got the chance to change out of our pjs, we went on our way to become tourists. 

The morning after getting "lost" in Germany.  

Over the next day and half, we visited a castle, went to Dachou concentration camp, and got to wonder around and absorb Munich for the city that it is.  

Neuschwanstein Castle.

Dachou concentration camp.  This picture shows where the old barracks used to be before they were torn down.

The bathroom at Dachou for the prisoners.

The washroom.

During our stay in Munich, my mind was only half there.  I kept wanting to search for his familiar face...I wanted him to be with us.  However, I was strangely at peace in my heart about leaving and going back home.

The last night in Munich.

Sometimes, fairy tales do come true.

Part 4.

*this post is a continuation of my real-life Dear John story.  visit here, here, and here to read the first 3 parts.*

Matthias saw us back to the hostel and we said our "guten nachts". Tomorrow would be our last day of ministry in the city.

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The trip was coming to a close. It was a fact that became more inevitable as time went on. Every night, I was anxious for the next morning. I couldn't wait to get to the church fast enough. By Tuesday morning, our last day of ministry in the city beginning, the American groups were dreading the inevitable good-byes to come later the next night. It might be bold of me to say, but I was definitely NOT looking forward to the separation from Matthias the following evening. Something between us made me believe he would also be dreading that moment.


The American groups separated for our final days in our areas. Because the Kreuzberg group had hosted a large party on Sunday night for the neighborhood, our day would be strategically focusing our energy into the parks. Matthias was the translator for my group, so we spent the majority of our day together.

The German students had put together a night of games to celebrate our time together. For our last official night, Matthias and I didn't spend much time apart. I was always conscious of where he was in the room. In my head, I was putting off the thoughts of saying good-bye. I didn't know what would happen once I left the country and got back home. We had already exchanged email addresses and snail-mail addresses one afternoon at lunch. We had means to communicate. But how well does cross-ocean "dating" happen? We would soon find out.

Matthias and me on Tuesday night before the games took place.

I was always good at being in my own little bubble. I never really shared what I was really thinking - and even to this day, I find it hard to express myself. I spent so many of my younger years being an introvert that now when I've figured out that I am a mixture of intro and extro, it's hard to switch. Nonetheless, I kept alot of my initial feelings and thoughts to myself. I was afraid of being judged and being told that what was happening between Matthias and I was fake - just an infatuation that wouldn't last. It didn't feel fake. I was 16. He was 19. But it felt like we had known each other much longer. 8 days? More like 8 years.

Wednesday morning, our last official day in Berlin before we traveled to Munich, started a little later. It was intended to be our "tourist" day. A part of the American group had decided to travel by train to the place where Martin Luther nailed the proclamation to the door. I wasn't really that familiar with history, so I was fine with opting to stay in Berlin and visit landmarks there. Some of the German students had decided to come with us on our adventures.

My favorite picture of Matthias and me.  This was taken in the hostel courtyard before leaving on Wednesday morning.

Geneva and me on the same hammock.

Before the Luther group left, I needed to make up my mind about which sights I wanted to see. There were 2 different groups forming from the team, and I had to make a decision. Matthias walked down to the bank with me because I needed to exchange more money for the remainder of the trip. At this time in my life, I was quite indecisive. As a result, I asked Matthias what he wanted to do that day.

His response? "I want to be wherever you are."

Butterflies swarmed my insides. My intuition was right. He did feel for me the way I felt for him. How did this happen in such a short time?!

We continued our walk to the bank in silence, got the money, and walked back to the hostel. My decision was made. We would stay in Berlin and travel in the smaller group.

A statue in Berlin...we felt like it represented our work with balloon animals rather well.

Part of the Berlin wall that has been painted by muralists.

After our day of sight-seeing, we headed back to the hostel to meet up with the other part of our team and eat dinner. After dinner, we packed up all of our suitcases onto the bus that would take us to the train station. The train, which would travel overnight, would take us to Munich. Because we had limited room on the bus, some of the students decided to meet us at the train station.

When we arrived at the train station, our team became a part of the organized chaos. As it turns out, our train would be delayed several hours. This meant that the majority of the local Germans with our team would not be able to get back to their homes merely because public transportation would be shut down that late at night. Amongst the brave ones who decided to stay, Matthias stuck out the long wait with our group.

Waiting in the train station on Wednesday night.  I'm in the maroon shirt in the middle with Matthias to my left (your right).

Finally, much, much later than originally anticipated, the train appeared.

Up to this point, Matthias and I have had very limited physical contact. Before we began boarding the train, he comes over to me to say good-bye. As we stood there hugging, it felt as though time stopped. As Matthias released our embrace, his hand ran lightly across my stomach. (Butterflies, behave please!!!)

Reluctantly, I board the train with the rest of my team.

Now, imagine a black and white movie. The girl has boarded the train, and is standing at the window, looking at her love on the podium below her. The train slowly starts to move. Gradually, as the train picks up speed, they catch eyes one last time, the train turns a corner, and the moment is over.

If there was a ever a time when I wanted a train to stop and turn around, it was at this moment. Where is the emergency brake?! This can't be possible...I can't handle leaving him like this! What has happened to me? Oh, dear...breathe. You will survive this. You will create defenses to protect the way you feel about this guy. It will not be over quite yet.

to be continued...