It's Wednesday

Or the 3rd day of the week...a very long, exhausting week.

I think the last time I actually had the urge to go to bed around 8 pm was in high school.  When swimming about 5 hours a day, 2-3 miles each practice, I was definitely ready to crash.  Last night?  My mom and I were eating dinner at 8, and I could have seriously skipped it and gone straight to bed.  My stomach would have reminded me this morning as a I rolled out of bed at 5:45 that action would not have not been the best idea...but it maybe would have helped my body to recover from this _____(fill in blank with a creative synonym of exhausting)______ week. 

So, I got only a measly 8 hours of sleep (9:45 to 5:45).  And I still feel like this?!  Crazy.  It either means I'm working/doing too much during the day, or I'm just quite unprepared to deal with the awesome crazy stress that comes with swim team.  I think I vote for both. 

But alas, only 2 more days of traveling...oh, and the trip back to Spring today.  But, okay, I thought I would share some funny/interesting/entertaining moments from swim practice.  I wish I had a better memory at this point...but these few are about all I can remember at this point:

In the 6 & under practice, we have 3 different groups.  One group is seriously just learning how to be comfortable in the water and going all the way under by themselves.  Another group is learning how to blow bubbles and learn how to use their legs correctly during freestyle kick.  And the third group, my group, is trying to learn the technique for freestyle.  Now, yesterday was just about the coldest day we've had so far. The sun was out and shining, yes.  But where was the humidity?!  It has completely disappeared.  Now, that's good for those of you who go outside and actually stay dry.  But for us who have to get wet, it's complete torture to stand outside of the pool with the dry wind causing muscle convulsions with monster goosebumps.  I'm not even joking.  Yesterday was the first day that we implemented our new, longer practice times.  The old ones just didn't allow enough time for us to really get a lot of swimming in with stretching and so forth beforehand.  Okay, so here's a little math for ya: longer practice + little kids with no body fat + dry atmosphere + freezing pool temperatures = torture for everyone involved (including the coaches and mentors!)

So, after finally escaping the depths of the ice cube, I was able to grab my towel and dry off.  Which helped, but my goosebumps never really left.  Man, swimming outside this early in the season is tough!  Anywho, Will, my assistant, told me after the 10 and Under practice (in which he still had to be in the water), that he couldn't feel his fingers.  They. Were. Numb.  Not only am I cold natured, but this stuff is chilly! 

For my 10 and Under practice, I got to finally see what kind of swimmers we were working with for this season.  The best way for me to describe them:  they are a mess!  Add in the fact they don't listen well and it's cold = makes for an interesting practice.  I'm hoping to get some good drill work in today.

Then comes the 11 & ups.  The oldest kids on the team.  The ones I have HUGE expectations of, because, well, they're older.  Up to this point, they haven't even come close to reaching those expectations.  They work hard during the actual swim part of the practices, but getting them in the water is like dental surgery: painful and frustrating!  I'm just sayin' I don't like the dentist and I don't like having to yell repeatedly to get them in the pool.  But sooner or later, when they really get me going, and we do a whole practice in butterfly, they'll figure out I mean business.  They just wouldn't last if I did that to them now.  I know this fact because every day, someone gets a cramp.  And not just a side stitch.  Like yesterday, I had them doing sprints from the block.  So they were out of the pool, and it's cold.  And I'm making them sprint.  Trying to get them in shape...and understanding that going fast is different than going slow.  You'd be surprised that some can't show me the difference in the pool.  Well, one of my high schoolers had a calf cramp so bad that from across the pool, I could physically see his calf in a ball.  OUCH!  He couldn't really walk.  But he also said yesterday (before the cramping incident) that he actually liked practicing now.  Accomplishment!  I've helped him to like swimming again. 

From what I've gathered about the past coaches, they seem like they were lazy and didn't really work on technique a whole lot.  Well, you can't have speed if you're not pulling the water correctly.  So, the next few weeks?  Technique.  The speed will come when they aren't turning over on their backs to breathe for freestyle.  Maybe I just went on a little rant...

Well, funny story of yesterday's 11 and up practice: I've been calling this one girl Rebecca ALL WEEK LONG.  And yesterday, when her older brother questioned it (Who is Rebecca?!?!)...I found out that this girl's name is Danielle.  And Rebecca is her mom's name.  But she's been responding to it ALL WEEK LONG.  I had a pretty good laugh about that one.  It still makes me smile.  Like Alejandro's cramp.  But that would be mean...so not like that at all.  I guess I'm just happy that they work so hard during practice, their muscles can't handle it. 

OR their diets are so horrible that the muscles have no other option but to cramp.  One guy, Chad, who has had a cramp almost every day now, told me yesterday that he ate 4 bags of chips and 2 Pepsis before coming to practice.  WHO DOES THAT?!  No wonder these kids are cramping.  That's like the worst thing ever to eat before a work out.  So, in addition to Swimming 101, I'm going to have to start lecturing about Nutrition 101.  It's a good think I'm educated in biochemistry and have a college degree.  These kids would be lost without me. 

Or that's what I'll keep telling myself. 

And I just had a stroke of genius.  I'll have to write about it tomorrow after I implement it tonight :)  Loving being a coach (even though I'm exhausted and seemingly overwhelmed every single day). 

Part 9: Leaving on a Jet Plane

This post is a continuation of my Germany Chronicles series.  Please click the link above to read the first 8 parts.


He was still the blue-eyed blonde I had left last summer. But something was different. We had a history this time. A long, detailed history...

______________________________________________
Over the time that Matthias and his German buddies were in Houston, I was consistently busy trying to balance the time spent with them and my other responsibilities, mainly swimming. Because it was summer, I was doomed to awaken before the sun even rose to endure the torture of the lukewarm 50-meter pool. Swimming in the early mornings while watching the sun rise. It definitely sounds more romantic than the actual reality of the sun glaring into your eyes every time you turn your head to breathe. How annoying!

But during these mundane practices, I was fighting an emotional turmoil. With several hours to ponder the complexities of my "relationship" with Matthias each morning, swimming was generally the last thing on my mind. Swimming is a sport that doesn't quite completely takeover your thoughts, or at least it never took mine. Maybe that's why I never really advanced as far as I should have. I had the potential. I just never took the initiative to acquire those goals. Shame on me.

[What was I talking about? Matthias...yes, I remember now!]

During these few weeks with Matthias in person, there were a couple of opportunities for us to be together. I have to admit that I maybe kind-of skipped a couple of swim practices in order to participate in different service activities.

While their team of people was here, there was a certain organization to the madness. Because of the number of participants who turned out to help on certain days, we were split into several groups. My two other sisters were in a different group than myself.  It was strange how these things were decided. I learned later that because my family was hosting 2 girls, my sisters were paired with them and other host/hostee pairs. I was placed in a group consisting of my past team members with German teenagers that I already knew from the previous summer. Coincidence? I think not.

Regardless of the way we were split, Matthias and I were able to spend some together with other mutual friends. I remember one day in particular.

We had traveled to a nearby apartment community to reach out to the children and minister to them. Matthias ended up playing basketball on the courts, whereas I was playing different games in an area closeby. On this particular afternoon, Matthias twisted his ankle. Good thing I was there to take care of him!

In a matter of a few minutes, I had convinced myself that if I took care of his ankle, he would maybe see how much potential I had. By potential, I seriously mean "wife material". I wanted to prove my capacity for caring for him in a way that no one else possibly could. By this point in their trip, it was pretty obvious to other people that there was "something" going on between the two of us. I didn't try to hide it. I had been trying to "mark my territory" the entire time.

I'm fully aware I'm not a dog, but there were serious threats coming from fellow American girls, girls who were able to be at the different events quite a bit more than me. My thoughts towards these other girls went along the lines of "Did you go to Germany last summer? NO. Did you meet him and then write letters back and forth for a year? NO. Did you receive the best birthday present ever from him? NO. BACK OFF."
Now, I never actually said these things out loud...but let's be honest. I'm quite embarrassed to see how I treated the whole situation in my head. My heart couldn't handle losing him again - let alone to someone who was not as committed as I was already.

All these girls wanted was a "summer fling". Okay, so the accents make you melt, I admit. I will also own up to the appeal of being with a foreign guy. I met him innocently one afternoon with no intention of ever making it as far as we had come. I never intended to fall in love. I never wanted to have to "slow things down" from across an ocean. But it happened. And I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

During his stateside visit, Matthias and I made a point to spend some time alone. We had things to talk about. Through the last year, I had kept asking him what we were considered. His response? "We are just friends for now. Let's get to know each other better before we commit to being more."

Yes, logically, it made sense. My heart didn't want it to be that easy. So, my heart and my head were saying completely different things.

Over the last year, my dad had talked to me on several different occasions about my feelings for this man. During one intense conversation, he wanted me to seriously consider the possibilty of moving to Germany to be with this man. Gulp. Move halfway around the world? Learn a new language? Live there for the rest of my human life?

I was ready to commit.

But it was more complicated. It always is, right?

For starters, I still had another year of high school. And he was about to move to New York in the fall to work with an inner-city ministry there.

When we ever-so-quietly snuck away to have time alone, we discussed the details of what we were. I desperately wanted him to go ahead and commit. I wanted to be his girlfriend. I wanted to start heading in the "official title" direction. You know...girlfriend, fiance, wife.

My deepest fears became a reality: more waiting.

But wasn't it him who had mentioned something his father had once told him? "The three most important things in life are to find God, find a good job, and find someone to spend your life with. You already have the first thing. You already know what the second one is, and now you just have to find that third thing."

The suggestiveness of him saying this wisdom to me was enough to make me believe he was committing to me. In my head, that was him saying that I was the one. Right? I convinced myself that it meant one day, I would be his wife.

How absolutely bold and foolish of me. 

The time came for our German partners to leave. It was a cloudy, dreary day. And the weather could not have matched my mood more perfectly.

Memories of the last few weeks flooded my mind. I couldn't stop picturing the way his face lit up when he stepped off the elevator that first day and saw me. I couldn't get the feeling of holding his hand (interdigitated, might I add) for the first time that fateful afternoon when he twisted his ankle. The afternoon he spent with my family at our neighborhood pool. The trip to New Braunfels and Austin to see the Capital of Texas. And then the discussions that we had which ultimately meant more waiting.

I was an emotional mess. I was in love and having to leave my man for the second time. At this point, we had spent maybe 2.5 total weeks together physically. My heart was acting as if it couldn't find a rhythm. Surely someone had ripped it out in the last days and attempted to put it back in, good as new.

Before we left to take our two hostee girls to the airport, I wrote Matthias a letter. He was instructed to not open it until he got on the plane. I couldn't bear to have him read it in front of me.

Once my family arrived to the airport, I bolted out of the car into the terminal and found him immediately. I handed him my note. They checked into their flight, and left to go find their gate. I watched as he rode up the escalator to pass through security. When he approached the top, he turned around and paused. I waved. And then he disappeared.

My heart was in his hands. [Literally. Remember that note? I wrote to him that I loved him.]

I was so afraid of losing him.
Soon after he disappeared to finish his journey stateside, my face was buried into my dad's chest. Surely true love never really felt like this.
 
My heart couldn't be ripped out many more times and still survive intact.

What I'm looking forward to...

On Saturday of this last weekend, we got a taste of how glorious spring is in southern Texas.  Spring only lasts about a couple of hours before it turns into summer here (which is quite miserable and humid). 

Katy and I took a little walk down to the park close to our house to lay on a blanket in the sun and basically just absorb it's joy and warmth.  And really, it was so relaxing.  The temperature was so perfect and the sun provided just the right amount of warmth to keep the chill off.  Last summer, I missed not being around a pool for the first time in about 15 years.  Every summer before that, I lived at the pool, either by swimming in it for practice or coaching by it for teams.  It was definitely quite different to travel halfway around the world to be in a place that doesn't have central air conditioning. 

So what am I looking forward to in a month?  Being on a pool deck again and feeling the sun bleach my hair back to its lighter brown days.  It wasn't until about a week ago when the weather finally started behaving, that I realized how much I have missed being outside. 

In college, you get to walk outside to get from class to class (or at least I got to).  When you work full-time, it's definitely harder to actually make it outside and help your body make some vitamin D.  Especially when it's cold, cloudy, and rainy/snowy.  This winter was awful (shiver)! 

But when you get to take an hour for lunch and travel to a local park, it's the best feeling to have the sun shine on your face.  Last Thursday was the best lunch I've had while I've been working full-time.  This year, I definitely appreciate the warmth much more.  Mostly because I've basically frozen to death in my office this winter.  My fingers and toes are much appreciative of the time outside. 

Being outside gives me life.  It's peaceful, and I seriously love how God created everything so perfectly.  On Sunday, the sermon was from Psalm 19 - and how David is amazed at the wonder of what God created for our enjoyment.  God paints sunsets for us.  He creates gorgeous Saturday afternoons so that we may lay in the sun and enjoy the glory of His creation.  It definitely fit in with what I've been experiencing with the weather.  No other creature can appreciate the beauty and intimate gift that God has given exclusively to us. 

So I'm looking forward to being outside and enjoying the weather this spring (the few short hours it will last), and ultimately, this summer around the pool deck.  He knows our hearts.  He gives us gifts that we don't deserve...and it makes me stand in awe of who He is.