Do Not Worry...

we've all heard this verse:

"therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  sufficient for the day is its own trouble." matthew 6:34

so that's basically what my mom told me when i shared my anxieties from yesterday.

i liked her wording as well - "it sounds like you are borrowing tomorrow's troubles...those things are not on the agenda for today.  focus on the task at hand."

WOW.

it was a moment i needed.  it came late in the day - after struggling with desperate thoughts all afternoon.  worrying about the future - which is not mine to worry about.

she brought be back down to where i needed to be. (unfortunately, at that moment, it was organic chemistry.)

so this is an apology for the women who i might have scared yesterday with my "timer" talk.  i do not believe that as women, we are limited to a certain time of having babies.  if it's the Lord's will, He is the only one who can create that little life inside of you.  it is wholly up to Him.  not me.  not this stupid timer that i created.  there is no such timer when you serve a God as big as the one i do.

i'm sorry.  please do research more about high risk pregnancies, because the information is valuable!  if you have questions, i can answer them!  or try to, that is.

please accept this apology.

and please try to remember me in your thoughts/prayers!  the mcat day is soon approaching.

let His Will be done.

Christmas is Over

Well, yes, the day is over.  And my sister and her husband left this morning.

And the things I'd planned on doing today?  Haven't happened.

There are a few reasons for my laziness.  First, I wanted to finish the book I had been reading.  So I guess I got that done.

But going swimming?  Going to the grocery store to get supplies for dinner?  Research for my book?  Not done.

After big events, I can't help but dwell on the memories that were created.  And want them to be re-done.  My older sister calls me "sentimental".  I just can't put a logical reason as to why I do these things.  It makes me immensely sad to sit here in my parent's house all alone (except for Molly curled up to my right, sleeping).  I have a really hard time being alone and purposeless these days.

Inevitably, my mind goes to thinking about singleness and how my life would be filled with such joy if I had a significant other to share it with.  My family likes to remind me that this happening would make me happy.

But saying that another person could sustain my happiness is false.  And it's this mindset I've been trying to fight against.  My life is not supposed to be spent waiting for something to happen with a man.  And yes, his presence in my life could create a certain degree of happiness.  But I will not sit around and wait for him.  I have a life - and it's supposed to centered on my Creator.  His presence brings the eternal joy.  Granted, most days I choose not to partake of what Jesus is offering.

The reason I don't grasp onto His grace?  Pride.

Other things have a factor as well, but if I was truly humbled, I would be completely dependent on Him.  I don't want to sit here and be cliche and say it's a new year's resolution.  Because it's more than that.  It's my new life change.  And I'm going to work hard at it.

As for today and my list of not accomplished actions?  I'll start with lunch and go from there...