There's a lot to catch up on when you move around and travel and start new things all in the same week. This is going to be a hodge-podge of things that have happened/I've been thinking about/I've felt since Monday.
Why Monday?
Well, Monday was my official move-out day. I had been working on packing up all of my stuff in the Shalom Shack for a few weeks, and really, the time flew by. For those who might be moving soon, I found that trying to do a box or two a day is much easier than waiting until the day before the move to start packing. Just a little friendly word of advice :)
Anywho. Moving. I graduated a year ago, and yes, I moved out of the apartment that I had lived in for 2 years. But I never really experienced the emotional part of moving. I knew that I would be back that fall. So moving wasn't that big of a deal.
This time, however, is way more difficult. You see, I'm not going to be moving back to College Station. And after the movers had everything that belonged to me moved out of my bedroom the living room and kitchen, there was a hole gaping in my heart. The living room looked so empty and forlorn (missing a couch and a table). I tried not to imagine my roommates coming home from work later that day and finding it so...so...barren.
When I pulled out of the driveway for the last time (because I no longer own a key), it was almost too much to handle. I fought tears for the next 20 minutes, all the way to Navasota. How in the world was I supposed to start swim practice that day when I was a mess like this?! I had to pull it together.
But really, I never would have imagined the amount of sadness I experienced. Never. I don't know if it's like that for all of the people who leave their college town. It's the place you grow the most and figure out who are you, who your friends are, and where you want to go with life. It's hard to leave.
We get to Spring about an hour and a half later, the movers unload the moving truck into my snazzy new storage unit, complete with climate control, and that's it. We're done by 12:15. And I'm in a funk. Practice starts in less than 4 hours. I'm starving. I'm feeling torn open (on the inside). And my assistant coach is gone until Wednesday.
I was just a tad overwhelmed. Maybe I'll try to plan these things better next time. I mean, I've just recently been able to connect with my emotions again. And let me tell ya, they're some strong ones these days.
My dad helps me to unload my car with some of the necessities I needed until the move, I eat lunch, and collapse on my bed while my dad goes to work. Around 3, I rouse myself to get ready for my first practice as a head coach. Whoa. I'm nervous...go away butterflies!
I'm the first one at the pool. And I don't start freaking out until 17 6&unders show up. That's about a 1/3 of the size of our team. 17. I've never dealt with that many small kids at once! Lord, now's the time for you to show me what patience and creativity look like. By the time the older kids show up, I'm already emotionally exhausted, and seriously can't really take anymore. But, thank goodness that the older ones are more self-sufficient.
All in all, I felt like a failure. I had assured the board that I would be able to handle this! If only I knew that this enormous number of 6&unders seriously terrified me. FAILURE. awesome.
Tuesday started roughly...at 5:00 am! That's the time my alarm is set for every day this week and next. I snooze for 30 minutes, get up, shower, pull together my lunch, and then head out by 6:30 am to head to College Station for 4 hours of work. By noon, I'm on my way back to Spring.
Basically, what this amounts to is a lot of time to think about my time as a failure coach. Positive, yes? Actually, it gave me alot of time to talk to Father.
"Okay, Lord, you clearly provided this job. You were the one to make it evident this is where I'm supposed to be. How come I don't see you? I don't see your hand in this situation. Please show me why you put me as a coach for this team."
When I'm weak, He's strong. He provided 4 more 6&unders yesterday! And two more-than-willing helpers. Okay, so Tuesday was a little better. And the 11&ups were in pain after their drylands. Success! I did my job well.
My realization from the last two days? Don't shut down, stay positive, supply encouragement, and seek out help. I don't have to do this alone. 21 youngsters is a lot. to. handle. Try it someday - it's not easy. I definitely have a new-found respect for my Aunt, who teaches kindergarten. No one could pay me enough to do that day after day, year after year.
So I've discovered that my gifts do not include interacting with small children. God definitely uses opportunities to show us how He wants to use us one day, right? Yes. I repeat: STRONG YES!
Today is Wednesday, and I'm sitting at my desk in College Station, sore from practice. And I'm growing in several areas. My leadership skills are improving. I'm finding out it's good to delegate and communicate effectively. And it's okay to say I'm overwhelmed. I'll eventually get the hang of it.
At this point, you might be wondering, "Who's Cynthia?" She's a junior in high school, attending the school "where the bad kids go". She's also dedicated and from what I can tell, willing to learn from me. So, she's the answer to my prayer (Where is your hand, Lord?)...
After talking to her for just a few minutes while waiting for her dad to pick her up, I had an immense peace about the whole situation. Before that? Butterflies. But for some reason, I just know it's all going to work out.
God gave me this job. And learning how to lead is difficult to say the least. I've gotten good at following. But I'm being pushed and He's growing me. It's comforting to know that I'm not doing this alone.
5 years ago
