And the closer the time gets to 2:45, which is when I get ready for swim practice...the more anxious I get.
I should be thinking about napping after only getting 5ish hours of sleep last night.
But, alas, I'm nervous about practice.
Well, not practice. I can coach. I like that part.
I'm nervous about what could potentially go wrong and be "my fault".
Or making a decision that someone doesn't necessarily agree with.
I'm weary of being picked on. I wish coaching was all I had to handle.
Maybe then I wouldn't be so nervous.
Being a leader is hard.
Especially as a single woman. The whole situation would be different if I was married and not living at my parent's house. Maybe if I had a baby...I wouldn't get asked, "Have you ever coached a team before?" It's insulting. Yes, I'm young. No, I don't have my own family yet. But yes, I am qualified to do this job well (14 years of experience on a pool deck isn't enough, eh?!).
I guess I'm frustrated with the double standard.
I am an adult.
I am fully capable of making decisions.
And teaching kids how to swim well.
Stop asking if I'm competent. I wouldn't be there if I wasn't.
(I just want to say that I'm not saying these things out of arrogance. I am really struggling with my identity. And I know that I can do these things. I just haven't been given the time to prove who I am to the right people.)
