Overlooked?

working in an office 8 hours a day is definitely something i never really considered.  i was going to be a veterinarian.  i was going to be talking to people all day about their pets.  then i was going to be a pharmacist.  again, i would be potentially talking to people all day about their medicine.  then i was going to be a doctor.  i would be talking to patients about themselves. 

basically, none of the above options involve sitting a room by myself with only a computer to connect to the outside world.  now, mind you...i've come to like my little office.  i've got it decorated (pictures to come in a later post), i have it "homey-ized".  i know it's not a word - just go with it.  but here's the thing.  i like community.  i like talking to people.  i like interacting with them.  the only interaction i get at work is if 1 of 2 ladies comes in...my boss, or the department coordinator person (at least i think that's what she is). 

monday was my boss' birthday - so we had a luncheon at another lady's house.  i still really don't know anyone in the office.  i have a few acquaintances, but i don't really see them on a daily basis.  so we're enjoying some appetizers...and i'm standing awkwardly amongst some acquaintances.  now, mind you - most of these ladies are from the office, so we work "together" and might see each other every day.  the conversation turns to a cookie exchange party one of the ladies whose office is down the hall from mine is having in a few weeks.  this might sound petty to some.  who would want to go hang out with a bunch of ladies and talk about work on the weekend?  hmmm.  do i have to think about this?!  ME!!! 

sadly, i have not received an invitation to said cookie exchange.  i do not plan on receiving one either.  the hostess of that party did the awkward "i'm not going to look at you because i didn't invite you" look as she answered.  well, i definitely feel like i'm a part of the in-crowd at the office!  actually, i still feel like people look at me like i'm a student worker.  okay, granted i'm still that "age"...but if i was married, would that make me more mature?  would that make it more acceptable to invite me because i would have a spouse to bring?! 

this lady is supposed to unite our department - and my boss is invited (who is still single, mind you)...so i'm pretty sure i was just told (in a round-a-bout way) that i'm not important and i don't belong here.  i'm like the students who work less than 20 hours a week.  FALSE. 

i have been overlooked.

Just Another Year

birthdays.  they happen every day of the year for someone somewhere.  mine?  it happens today - november 24th.  it has for 23 years now...and it will continue until Jesus decides to take me home to Him.  in the spirit of today being the beginning of my 23rd year of life, i wanted to recap the last year.

a year ago:

• i was still in college.
• i wouldn't believe that i would be working full-time in college station a year later
• i had only spent about 5 weeks in east asia (now it's more like 11 weeks)
• i didn't really understand what "being on your own" meant
• i truly didn't comprehend how much community means to me

in the last year:

• i had my last significant Christmas break
• i graduated from college (yikes!)
• i went to east asia with my best friend Leslie for the 3rd time
• i moved out of my parent's house
• i became an adult and got a full-time job (thanks to JC for planning it soooo well!)
• i've decided that having no plan for the future (or leaving it up to Jesus) is the best way to live

23 is good.  it's not scary - i think i will grow into it nicely.  after thinking back on this last year and seeing the extravagant amounts of growth that have taken place personally for me...i wouldn't take it back or do it over.  i'm excited to see how God moves in my life in the next 365 days until i turn 24.  let today be about Him and the growth that He has allowed in me.  i definitely would not have made it to be who i am at 23 if i had not met Him at 8.  sweet :)

i know that i'm definitely thankful this week. 

high school

so yesterday in the church service, i ended up sitting behind some high school kiddos.  now maybe because i am turning 23 tomorrow...these kids looked SO young.  like was i ever that small?  hmmm. 

well, sitting behind these little munchkins and observing their behavior reminded me of myself at their age.  you remember, don't you?  trying to always look your best for that one boy who never seemed to realize that you are alive?  or maybe giggling with your girlfriends because you finally got to sit next the guy you are crushing on?  or trying to find your identity in what others thought of you (in my case, it was definitely the boys)? 

yes, so it would appear that i was one boy-crazy teen.  thank goodness for maturity...for the sake of growing older...for being able to find my identity in something way more perfect than any hormone-crazed teenage boy, who, by the way, still doesn't know i exist...

hmmm.  so in this week of being thankful...i think i am thankful for turning another year older tomorrow.  for being wiser and knowing my Creator that much more!  23 sounds so scary - the middle '20s.  ew.  i've been complaining  A LOT about it.  too much.  i've heard that 30 is better than anything that far...so bring it on! 

now, the post tomorrow might be completely turned around from what i'm saying here.  there might just have to be some things about being 23 that need to be expanded on...but for now, i'm pretty glad to be out of high school and see the transformation that God has definitely brought around in my life. 

here's to be being all grown up!

redemption

i think that the events of the last few weeks have given God the opportunity to really show me how sin has absolutely broken this world apart...and exactly how PAINFUL that reality is. 

however.

there is redemption.  grace. peace. love: not the imperfect-based-on-standards love; the absolutely-love-you-no-matter-what love.

i praise Jesus i'm not doing this alone.

How to be like MJ

1. Moon walk.
2. Wear sparkly clothes.
3. Grab your crotch (a lot).
4. Pop & Lock It everywhere you go.
5. Randomly yell "owww" in a high-pitched voice.

This list was inspired by 'This Is It'.  He's pretty cool.  I'm just saying I wish I could get away with all those things all the time and still be considered a legend or king of something.

messes

when i was in high school, i definitely had things appear to be in order.  it seemed effortless: my class schedule was done for me, i had swim practice right after school each day, wednesday night activities accounted for...it was easy.  but then came college, which was a whole new experience.  you have to be responsible to finish the reading that is considered the "homework", allot a certain amount of time to different extra-curricular activities, even plan out your class schedule every semester.  i made it work...and it didn't seem too hard at the time.

but then, whoa.  i graduated.

[pause for dramatic effect]

currently, i feel like all the organization and time management that i tried so hard to maintain in high school and college has been taken out of the picture.  my life feels like a mess - a giant spaghetti-filled-platter dropped on the floor mess.  ya know the kind where you can't believe that it just happened and then you still find sauce on the cabinets like a month later?  that kind.  my thoughts can't put time into the same context as it once did.  maybe that's what it's like to get older...you just can't think clearly.  [oh crap.  i'm only 22.] 
 
nonetheless, a new thought now:  in ephesians (5:15-17), paul talks about living wisely because the days are evil.  maybe this "phase" (that's what i'm going to call it for right now) is a way for God to really show me how i don't know if i'm going to make it to tomorrow.  quick sidenote: i saw 'this is it' for the second time this afternoon.  once you see a movie for the 2nd or 3rd time, you start to notice really small things.  in the documentary, michael jackson (later referenced as mj) tells his fans that he would see them in july.  he never made it that far.  i'm not trying to be morbid.  i think it's a really valuable lesson to think about.  if my last day was today, did i make the most of it?  every day that i'm miserable at my job, do i make the most of it?  do i live everyday wisely?  do i really understand what the Lord's will is?

i pray that i am DAILY thinking about how to make the most of the moments i have...

update!

Well, I know I'm not good at these things. I had one back in high school, and it seriously just fizzled out. I have a lot of thoughts...and I started this blog to share them; to get them off my chest. So, I'm starting again (even if I never really quit). Here it goes:

10 Current Happenings:

1. 
   
   I have become addicted to listening to Pandora at work.
   
   
   
2. 
   
   Oh yeah, I have a full-time job on campus. It's mostly boring, but I never have to limit my Facebook time. I guess that could be considered a plus...but there will be more to come with this topic later.
   
   
   
3. 
   
   I hate running, but I have started running (again!). Like I ran last night and I really want to do it again tonight. whoop for exercise!
   
   
   
4. 
   
   I have new tv shows that I've started watching (thanks to my roommate Meghan): House, So You Think You Can Dance, Glee, and I guess Gossip Girl because of Tahni...[yay for living with 7 other girls!]
   
   
   
5. 
   
   It's 90% certain I'll be moving to East Asia in June. JUNE. I still can't fathom actually having a date to pick up my life and move over 7000 miles away. dude.
   
   
   
6. 
   
   This "semester" of my life is not quite going the way that I imagined. There's a lot more to share there too, but that's the basis.
   
   
   
7. 
   
   My house (The Shalom Shack) is having the best Halloween party tomorrow night. It's gonna be awesome :)
   
   
   
8. 
   
   Am I really almost 23?
   
   
   
9. 
   
   My roommates think it's funny I'm obsessed with Celine Dion, Michael Jackson and Transformers.
   
   
   
10. 
    
    I can't wait until November 13th.
    
    
    

Well, that's a brief story of my life as it goes right now. As you can tell, work doesn't leave me with much "work". It's mostly just trying to fill in the almost-8-hours that I'm at the office. Someone please save me already?!?

Interestingly enough, however, I found out that two of my co-workers are Muslim today. I've been working here for 6 weeks now...and I had no idea. They goes to the mosque every day at lunch to pray. So, that little fact got me thinking...and then I did some research. I know that other religions (the ones who don't believe in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ) have strict rules to follow because there really is no real meaning of grace in their lives. GRACE: so powerful (and of which I am so undeserving).

Anyway, I looked up times when the 5 prayers are supposed to be prayed. On this same site, there was a list of things not to do while in prayer. [http://www.qibla.org/err.htm] I don't really have words that describe the depth of sorrow I feel for them! And these men are right here in my office. I've been able to share with a different co-worker my experience in East Asia because he is trying to move there once he retires. I am excited and so eager for my office posters (shown at end of post) to arrive in the mail so they can serve to open more conversations. Even though I might feel useless almost all of the time, I still know that I am here for a purpose, if not my own. Father has blessed me with this job - and I am grateful. The last few days have shown me I need to stop whining and just live each day that we are called to. If I'm not here to actually do work most days, maybe at least I can pour into the lives of those around me. How great? A job that lets me do what I love to do? Hmmm. And in the beginning, I doubted College Station was where I was supposed to be. Ha.

The Red Door

Reflections

Great Wall

Framed